Being the 'best friend'

I have found that throughout my life it is best to give happiness to others rather than keep it all for yourself. It is difficult to find a balance however and you often find that either you shun others due to your happy persona or you attract them for a time, but once they've taken it all they are happy enough to leave. This is a very poorly structured explanation, but then it is 3.16am and I do have to be up in around 4 hours. 

But with this in mind it is obvious to see how I have become the typical 'best friend'. I offer my care and support to whom ever needs it and I expect nothing or very little in return. I have yet to find someone who I can leech off. So men and women come my way and I reach out to them, I help them, but I'm never more than a 'best friend', never seen in a romantic light. People don't want me to be that to them. I'm the one they cry on, stress to and get a good meal from. Nothing more. I encourage it of course as I don't want to be seen as anything but a genuinely caring person because in fact this is who I want to be. I am content to live this way....but (yes there is a but) just once or twice I'd like to be sought out and cherished. 

I have my stressy moments or my difficult times like everyone else, and it's interesting to note that in those times I seem to lose 50% of my friendship base. Because in those times I am no use to anyone. I am simply selfish for not being the obliging person I normally am. 

There is no one without fault and I know, and if you've read some of my previous posts you will have seen, that I am full of self doubt, egotistical manners (ironic juxtaposition there), selfish thoughts and a sense of over estimation.

It's so quiet here. It's unusual for student living which I fondly refer to now as 'home'. But it makes me feel lonely. The pressure is already on and the bitching has already begun. I find I'm weary of it already and it's only my first week of my first year. I hope it eases, I'm sure it will. 

So yes! In conclusion I am someone you can walk all over and yet I will rarely complain. I forgive too easily and I can't bare conflict and so I am deemed weak. Oh joy. 

xxxxx